random updates

wow so this has been a super long time in coming. My life just got really crazy all of a sudden i dont know how that happend but it did. i have spend alot of time traveling for work lately and so that has a lot to do with it. so i went to CO for most of june and part of july. and while i was gone some one trashed my car you can view the pic of this on my MYSPACE account. Yes i finally broke down and started on the myspace ban-bang her recently.
Well i have finally decieded that my life will never go where i want it to with out an eduations. So i start my first real semester of College aug 21. wish me well everyone cuz i am gonna need it. i am gonna start out with only 5 credits so i will talk me longer to finsh my general. but i figure its worth it so that i can stil live my life the way i alwasy have and just go to school too. My roomate is actually going to start school the same time. she is going into the same field as me.
the rest of my life the same old same old. still single as always and still working at Cp.
as for work update well the director of traininer moved to a diff position so i am currently not goin to have a head head boss. i just really hope they hire with in the team so that a prod. trainer job will open up because that is something i really want to do.
well thats about it for now i will try to keep everyone updated more reg.

PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!

so i have been thinking and i think i really should work on getting a more active life. so my roomate and i had a party at my house for some friends that are moving to boise. and wow i have now realized why i never ever have house parties. what i damn mess. i woke up sunday morning to bottles and empty cups all over the place. i closed up most of my house so the party was limited to the living room and kitchen and back patio. and luckely everyone was at least respectful in smoking outside but they left the door open so my house smelled like a bar for a day. it was nasty i found empty beer boxes all in my front lawn. people just really have not respect for others stuff when they get drunk. then to top it all off we made jello shots and i got a little wasted and dance in my living room lol. for anyone that knows me you know i CANT dance. but i tried anyways. i was told by friends the next day that i really didnt do so bad so maybe this weekend i will try that again. i am going to my friends house in poky for the weekend to go shopping and to hang out and my roomate is coming down sat for the night to hang. its gonna be a blast and i am really excited. k well i am gonna get outta here. later

the life of ME!!

lets see whats new in the life of ME. hahahaha really not much. still the same old stuff, work work and more work. actually few things have happends, the other night we went out for a fun sat all dressed up in our Halloween costumes. When we left the bar the guy that was driving us home promised me he was ok to drive. so i get in the car about half way home we turn and a state police officer pulls us over because my friends back blinker doesnt work. well turns out my friend was not so sobber and he went to jail for a DUI. and the other girl in the car was arguing with the cop and almost got us arrested to. lucky i had the money to bail him out of jail and to have his car towed. and then he just paid me back but wow what a pain in the ass. i have never had to bail any one out of jail so that was an interesting first. then on Halloween night i get a call any my Grandmas brother is in the hospital and the dr. said he wouldnt make it throught the night. my mom and dad were in boise and i didnt want my grandma to have to sit at the hospital alone. So i went to the hospital and sat with her while we watched helplessly as my uncle passed away. it was something i dont ever wanna watch again. it wasnt an extremely hard death to deal with because he had been sick for a long time and his death was something we had expected to happen long before it did. i cleaned his house and took care of him for the last 5 year. so i went with grandma and grandpa the next day to make sure all the burial arrangements were taken care of. and also to get all his stuff from the nursing home. so another first for me watch some one die and take care of the aftermath. it was funny though because my grandpa had my aunt go with us because he said it was all to much of a burdon for me to carrie alone. i think he forgets i am 22 not 12. so all in all it was a great halloween weekend. a couple of first that i hope for a long long time are a last. the good thing is work has been awesome with making sure i get the time off work. which is good because i am currently in the middle of training a class so getting time off is not exactly the easiest thing to do. so ya its been a great and exciting week in the life of me!!

its been CRAZY

so once again its been a while since i have left any here. life has just been so dang crazy. works been crazy my home life has been not stop and it seems every time i do stop to breath i am asleep. a lady at work told me exhaustion is going around and i would doubt it because i think i have caught it. i start working a 6 day a week schedule on monday woo hooo joy on that one. so its just gonna get crazier i have a feeling. other than that everything is the same. nothing really new happening in my life. still living in the same place still working in the same place and yet you guessed it still single. it seems every time i meet some one they wanna come over hang out and try to get a little. when i turn them down on the getting some part they go home and never talk to me again. so i have come to the conclusion that what i want in life is not what any other guy is looking for so i will just have to stay single i guess. i was talking to reiney again but he has not answered his phone for 2 weeks. so i have the great idea to go and surprise him at his house. so who knows if i will get the balls to actually drive 2 hrs just to see some one i am not 100% sure wants to see me or not. i really think if i just went there as a surprise he would be really excited to see me and would come back with me for the weekend but who knows. i joked about it once and told him i was gonna come steal him away for the weekend and he was like ya that would be awesome but who really knows what would happen. so ya other than that i have decided i need a long long vacation. but that is not gonna happen until at least the first of the year when i get money. i really wanna go to washington and see my aunt. she is convinced if i will come and see her and spend time with her there that i wont wanna come back. and that i will move there and live closer to her. she said i could get a job or go to the college that is there and it would be great. i am just to much of a home body i am too close to my family to move very far away. right now i am about 30-45 mins away and that seems to be the perfect distance. i go hang out with my mom and grandma all the time. we go to lunch and to coffee shopping ya know just whatever but its great and i know if i moved away i would miss it. and plus i have decided until i am ready to settle down i need to live here where i know how life is lived. i love change but only suddle change i don't enjoy having a wrench thrown into my whole everything.

a couple weeks in my life!!!

So this whole blogging thing just skipped my mind for a while. Until the other day I got a message from a friend that got me started on the whole blog thing and she was like gosh man just blog. I forget that some people keep up on what is happening in my life by my blog so sorry guys but here's goes nothing. Life has been just crazy crazy I have been working almost 50 hrs a week most weeks. And I have been working days so having to be at work by 6 or so. Its kicking my ass!! I am recently turned into an insomniac which I am not sure why when or how... Or even rather its possible to just turn into one but I have. I am lucky to make myself sleep 2 maybe 3 hrs a night. I am so tired all the time but I cant sleep. I contemplated the idea of sleeping pills but I am afraid those will knock my out for far more time then what I have available to sleep. But ya so I have that going on. And with work the other person that was sharing my training role has assumed a different position. So that basically leaves me to pick up all the slack and probably train back to back classes... JOY!! But I don't know if it will be all bad guess only time will tell. Other than work life has been good. My best friend from high school (the only friend from that time in my life I still talk to) had her husband leave her about 3 weeks ago and was left with a house and rent that he had not paid. SO I helped her through that. I have to go and move all her stuff with the help of my roommate into our garage. My friend and her daughter ended up living at my house for 5 days. Then I helped her find a place to live and then moved all her stuff into the apt that she had found. It was a real pain but got that all done. And I really thought about just saying deal with it yourself because her husband left her before about a yr ago and she was stupid and took him back. And everything was going good she came home from work and he was gone with all his stuff. So ya what a mess!!!! But I told her if she is stupid enough to go back to someone who doesn't care about her then I wont be here to help. So then this last weekend was Greek festival whooo hooooo. And for the first year that I have gone it was actually fun with no stupid fighting drama I just got to relax and hang out and eat amazingly good Greek food it was GREAT!!!!! So I guess other than that nothing much is happening currently. I bout a new car almost a month ago I got a 02 Honda accord ex (all leather and a sunroof, tinted windows) ya its freaking sweet. I have decided since I don't have kids and don't have any pets and I am single I have no one to be my baby... So my car has been given the role as my baby... I get to take care of it and clean it and wash it and all that fun stuff.... And for those of you ever seen my last car this a good step up . And the part I am the proudest of myself for it that fact that neither myself or anyone else has smoked in it. So it still gets to have the clean amanda's baby smell lol. And lets see what else, as mentioned above I am still single and still just taking that day by day. I met a guy the other day I have been talking to him for about 2 weeks and I was drunk and my friend, the one that was staying with me call him and had him come over. So me in my horribly drunked state meet this guy for the 1st time and it was cool. We got along and hung out and so one and so forth. And everything was going so so and I get an email the other day from him asking me if I was ignoring him for a reason and him basically assuming that I didn't like him anymore. And this all came about because I didn't call him one night and was busy and didn't answer a message from him the next morning.... Omg give me a break... So wrote a not nice reply explaining that self esteem and confidence ment a lot to me and didn't need stupid childish girly games from a guy.... And I have not heard from him since. So I guess he out of the pictures I start over looking for Mr. Right. So for now that's it for me. Later

Its all about strength

So everything in my life has been seeming well. And I know that every time everything goes really well for a long time and I can keep it together its only a matter of time until it all crashes around me ... And I hate that cuz I have no control and that's when I lose it. So I have not had an episode for a long time over a year now, but Friday night was a different story. I have always said that I can be alone forever, not exactly what I want but I can do it. And I still hold fast to that thought. But the other night it just hit me!!! Everything was good all day and then all of a sudden I realized I was all alone and ya I have friends and family but I have no one to spend my nights with and to share my thoughts and secrets and dreams with and it really hit me. As much as I say I can do it alone.. Every body needs some body its a facts of life that I just realized. I cried and cried and couldn't stop and for no real reason at all except that I was alone. The hardest part of it all is that no one could help and it was no ones fault. I just felt alone and I hate that feeling. I like hanging out by myself and what not but I hate feeling alone and I very much so at that point felt alone. My best friend invited me to come to a party but I thought I would feel so outta place. It was a bunch of couples and ME!!! So I sat on the front porch hoping to drink myself into a coma so I just didn't have to feel that way. a couple phone calls, some beer and over half a fifth of Malibu and I was not comatose nor drunk all I got out of the deal was a head ache. So I decided to give the neighbors party a shot. To my dismay it was actually rather entertaining.. I still didn't feel not alone was rather amused. My best friend got more trashed that I have really ever seen here. So I put the kids to bed tucked her into the bathroom rug and went back for some more beer (hoping to get rid of the headache) about 2 am rolls around I am still not drunk but also not so depressed, so I went home and passed out. Woke up sat did basically nothing all day and then it was time for the stock car races. Now this I really thought would be some fun. I have never been to the races so I thought what the hell we loaded up the car and went. Only to find myself I the same situation was in the night before only this time in public and I wasn't crying. I got stuck in the back of the car with the kids. 3rd wheel again a concept I am growing accustomed to. I know I shouldn't feel this way. My best friend/roommate she really trys to understand, but the fact is she cant. She has in the time I have known her never really been alone. She has always had a boyfriends. And for the time she doesn't have a bf she has kids to fill the empty space that I feel from time to time. And its no fault of her own I want her to be happy and not worry about me and making sure I am alright. And the last thing I want from anyone is pity, I feel sorry enough for myself I don't needs others to do that too. I want everyone to go about their life and be happy and left me Waller in my own self pity when I get down. But I have to good of friends for that they all want to come over with a beer and shoulder to cry on. But now its Monday and I am doing ok, I realize that everything will be ok. And what doesn't kill me has to make me stronger so I am in a win win situation I guess. I look at it as that I cant be alone forever at some point some one has to take me. I either will have to lower standards (ya right) or something but I have never seen myself getting married with kids. Its just not something I have ever planned on and now that all my friends are slowing falling off the path of single life its biting me in the ass. But like I said before I am ok now and life will go on

0nce the smoke clears

So some crazy stuff has been happening lately and I am just not sure what to think of the whole ordeal. I use to have this friend that lived in Florida that I talked to on a regular basis and he lives in Florida. Over the years we just kind fell apart and lost touch. I was going through some old stuff at my parents house a couple weeks ago and I found some letters and post cards that he had sent to me and it thought it a little odd. A couple days go by and I am at work wasting some time on a break and I was surfing the net and I find this website that he had made and it had his email and phone number. I couldn't believe it could really be him so I sent and email and low and behold it was. I got a suprising response from this guy and he couldn't believe that after all these years we found each other again. And an even bigger shock he does have a girls but is not married and I though for sure he would be married with kids by now. So if that was not weird enough I had this other guy that I dated for a couple months and for whatever reason we also lost touch.. He lives about 2 hrs away from me so the distance just kind dragged on our relationship and even though we never actually broke up we just fell apart and stopped talking too. And the other night I was bored sitting and home and I though hmm I wonder what ever happened to this guy. So I called his parents house hoping for some reason he would either be there or someone from his family would answer. So I made the call and he answered and we ended up talking for over 2 hrs. And it was just like it had been, he is the one person I have always been able to feel completely like myself with no holding back and I really miss that. I am really hoping to talk him into coming to visit me for a weekend so that I can know for sure if the feeling is still there.. I have this feeling and I don't know rather to say I am doom or its fate that I will be with him ... hahahahaha but its cool. But thinking a lot lately about reuniting with people makes me wonder what the plan for me really is. It seems that once I let life calm down and things just cool off everything falls back into place the way it was before life has its like fire and things went up in smoke.. Once the smoke and dust clears things just go back to the way they were.. And lately I have been just running into and talking to people I hate to say this but I kind forgot about.