what a day

random updates

2006-07-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

wow so this has been a super long time in coming. My life just got really crazy all of a sudden i dont know how that happend but it did. i have spend alot of time traveling for work lately and so that has a lot to do with it. so i went to CO for most of june and part of july. and while i was gone some one trashed my car you can view the pic of this on my MYSPACE account. Yes i finally broke down and started on the myspace ban-bang her recently.
Well i have finally decieded that my life will never go where i want it to with out an eduations. So i start my first real semester of College aug 21. wish me well everyone cuz i am gonna need it. i am gonna start out with only 5 credits so i will talk me longer to finsh my general. but i figure its worth it so that i can stil live my life the way i alwasy have and just go to school too. My roomate is actually going to start school the same time. she is going into the same field as me.
the rest of my life the same old same old. still single as always and still working at Cp.
as for work update well the director of traininer moved to a diff position so i am currently not goin to have a head head boss. i just really hope they hire with in the team so that a prod. trainer job will open up because that is something i really want to do.
well thats about it for now i will try to keep everyone updated more reg.

PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!

2005-11-22T15:47:00.000-08:00

so i have been thinking and i think i really should work on getting a more active life. so my roomate and i had a party at my house for some friends that are moving to boise. and wow i have now realized why i never ever have house parties. what i damn mess. i woke up sunday morning to bottles and empty cups all over the place. i closed up most of my house so the party was limited to the living room and kitchen and back patio. and luckely everyone was at least respectful in smoking outside but they left the door open so my house smelled like a bar for a day. it was nasty i found empty beer boxes all in my front lawn. people just really have not respect for others stuff when they get drunk. then to top it all off we made jello shots and i got a little wasted and dance in my living room lol. for anyone that knows me you know i CANT dance. but i tried anyways. i was told by friends the next day that i really didnt do so bad so maybe this weekend i will try that again. i am going to my friends house in poky for the weekend to go shopping and to hang out and my roomate is coming down sat for the night to hang. its gonna be a blast and i am really excited. k well i am gonna get outta here. later

the life of ME!!

2005-11-03T19:11:00.000-08:00

lets see whats new in the life of ME. hahahaha really not much. still the same old stuff, work work and more work. actually few things have happends, the other night we went out for a fun sat all dressed up in our Halloween costumes. When we left the bar the guy that was driving us home promised me he was ok to drive. so i get in the car about half way home we turn and a state police officer pulls us over because my friends back blinker doesnt work. well turns out my friend was not so sobber and he went to jail for a DUI. and the other girl in the car was arguing with the cop and almost got us arrested to. lucky i had the money to bail him out of jail and to have his car towed. and then he just paid me back but wow what a pain in the ass. i have never had to bail any one out of jail so that was an interesting first. then on Halloween night i get a call any my Grandmas brother is in the hospital and the dr. said he wouldnt make it throught the night. my mom and dad were in boise and i didnt want my grandma to have to sit at the hospital alone. So i went to the hospital and sat with her while we watched helplessly as my uncle passed away. it was something i dont ever wanna watch again. it wasnt an extremely hard death to deal with because he had been sick for a long time and his death was something we had expected to happen long before it did. i cleaned his house and took care of him for the last 5 year. so i went with grandma and grandpa the next day to make sure all the burial arrangements were taken care of. and also to get all his stuff from the nursing home. so another first for me watch some one die and take care of the aftermath. it was funny though because my grandpa had my aunt go with us because he said it was all to much of a burdon for me to carrie alone. i think he forgets i am 22 not 12. so all in all it was a great halloween weekend. a couple of first that i hope for a long long time are a last. the good thing is work has been awesome with making sure i get the time off work. which is good because i am currently in the middle of training a class so getting time off is not exactly the easiest thing to do. so ya its been a great and exciting week in the life of me!!

its been CRAZY

2005-10-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

so once again its been a while since i have left any here. life has just been so dang crazy. works been crazy my home life has been not stop and it seems every time i do stop to breath i am asleep. a lady at work told me exhaustion is going around and i would doubt it because i think i have caught it. i start working a 6 day a week schedule on monday woo hooo joy on that one. so its just gonna get crazier i have a feeling. other than that everything is the same. nothing really new happening in my life. still living in the same place still working in the same place and yet you guessed it still single. it seems every time i meet some one they wanna come over hang out and try to get a little. when i turn them down on the getting some part they go home and never talk to me again. so i have come to the conclusion that what i want in life is not what any other guy is looking for so i will just have to stay single i guess. i was talking to reiney again but he has not answered his phone for 2 weeks. so i have the great idea to go and surprise him at his house. so who knows if i will get the balls to actually drive 2 hrs just to see some one i am not 100% sure wants to see me or not. i really think if i just went there as a surprise he would be really excited to see me and would come back with me for the weekend but who knows. i joked about it once and told him i was gonna come steal him away for the weekend and he was like ya that would be awesome but who really knows what would happen. so ya other than that i have decided i need a long long vacation. but that is not gonna happen until at least the first of the year when i get money. i really wanna go to washington and see my aunt. she is convinced if i will come and see her and spend time with her there that i wont wanna come back. and that i will move there and live closer to her. she said i could get a job or go to the college that is there and it would be great. i am just to much of a home body i am too close to my family to move very far away. right now i am about 30-45 mins away and that seems to be the perfect distance. i go hang out with my mom and grandma all the time. we go to lunch and to coffee shopping ya know just whatever but its great and i know if i moved away i would miss it. and plus i have decided until i am ready to settle down i need to live here where i know how life is lived. i love change but only suddle change i don't enjoy having a wrench thrown into my whole everything.

a couple weeks in my life!!!

2005-09-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

So this whole blogging thing just skipped my mind for a while. Until the other day I got a message from a friend that got me started on the whole blog thing and she was like gosh man just blog. I forget that some people keep up on what is happening in my life by my blog so sorry guys but here's goes nothing. Life has been just crazy crazy I have been working almost 50 hrs a week most weeks. And I have been working days so having to be at work by 6 or so. Its kicking my ass!! I am recently turned into an insomniac which I am not sure why when or how... Or even rather its possible to just turn into one but I have. I am lucky to make myself sleep 2 maybe 3 hrs a night. I am so tired all the time but I cant sleep. I contemplated the idea of sleeping pills but I am afraid those will knock my out for far more time then what I have available to sleep. But ya so I have that going on. And with work the other person that was sharing my training role has assumed a different position. So that basically leaves me to pick up all the slack and probably train back to back classes... JOY!! But I don't know if it will be all bad guess only time will tell. Other than work life has been good. My best friend from high school (the only friend from that time in my life I still talk to) had her husband leave her about 3 weeks ago and was left with a house and rent that he had not paid. SO I helped her through that. I have to go and move all her stuff with the help of my roommate into our garage. My friend and her daughter ended up living at my house for 5 days. Then I helped her find a place to live and then moved all her stuff into the apt that she had found. It was a real pain but got that all done. And I really thought about just saying deal with it yourself because her husband left her before about a yr ago and she was stupid and took him back. And everything was going good she came home from work and he was gone with all his stuff. So ya what a mess!!!! But I told her if she is stupid enough to go back to someone who doesn't care about her then I wont be here to help. So then this last weekend was Greek festival whooo hooooo. And for the first year that I have gone it was actually fun with no stupid fighting drama I just got to relax and hang out and eat amazingly good Greek food it was GREAT!!!!! So I guess other than that nothing much is happening currently. I bout a new car almost a month ago I got a 02 Honda accord ex (all leather and a sunroof, tinted windows) ya its freaking sweet. I have decided since I don't have kids and don't have any pets and I am single I have no one to be my baby... So my car has been given the role as my baby... I get to take care of it and clean it and wash it and all that fun stuff.... And for those of you ever seen my last car this a good step up . And the part I am the proudest of myself for it that fact that neither myself or anyone else has smoked in it. So it still gets to have the clean amanda's baby smell lol. And lets see what else, as mentioned above I am still single and still just taking that day by day. I met a guy the other day I have been talking to him for about 2 weeks and I was drunk and my friend, the one that was staying with me call him and had him come over. So me in my horribly drunked state meet this guy for the 1st time and it was cool. We got along and hung out and so one and so forth. And everything was going so so and I get an email the other day from him asking me if I was ignoring him for a reason and him basically assuming that I didn't like him anymore. And this all came about because I didn't call him one night and was busy and didn't answer a message from him the next morning.... Omg give me a break... So wrote a not nice reply explaining that self esteem and confidence ment a lot to me and didn't need stupid childish girly games from a guy.... And I have not heard from him since. So I guess he out of the pictures I start over looking for Mr. Right. So for now that's it for me. Later

Its all about strength

2005-07-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

So everything in my life has been seeming well. And I know that every time everything goes really well for a long time and I can keep it together its only a matter of time until it all crashes around me ... And I hate that cuz I have no control and that's when I lose it. So I have not had an episode for a long time over a year now, but Friday night was a different story. I have always said that I can be alone forever, not exactly what I want but I can do it. And I still hold fast to that thought. But the other night it just hit me!!! Everything was good all day and then all of a sudden I realized I was all alone and ya I have friends and family but I have no one to spend my nights with and to share my thoughts and secrets and dreams with and it really hit me. As much as I say I can do it alone.. Every body needs some body its a facts of life that I just realized. I cried and cried and couldn't stop and for no real reason at all except that I was alone. The hardest part of it all is that no one could help and it was no ones fault. I just felt alone and I hate that feeling. I like hanging out by myself and what not but I hate feeling alone and I very much so at that point felt alone. My best friend invited me to come to a party but I thought I would feel so outta place. It was a bunch of couples and ME!!! So I sat on the front porch hoping to drink myself into a coma so I just didn't have to feel that way. a couple phone calls, some beer and over half a fifth of Malibu and I was not comatose nor drunk all I got out of the deal was a head ache. So I decided to give the neighbors party a shot. To my dismay it was actually rather entertaining.. I still didn't feel not alone was rather amused. My best friend got more trashed that I have really ever seen here. So I put the kids to bed tucked her into the bathroom rug and went back for some more beer (hoping to get rid of the headache) about 2 am rolls around I am still not drunk but also not so depressed, so I went home and passed out. Woke up sat did basically nothing all day and then it was time for the stock car races. Now this I really thought would be some fun. I have never been to the races so I thought what the hell we loaded up the car and went. Only to find myself I the same situation was in the night before only this time in public and I wasn't crying. I got stuck in the back of the car with the kids. 3rd wheel again a concept I am growing accustomed to. I know I shouldn't feel this way. My best friend/roommate she really trys to understand, but the fact is she cant. She has in the time I have known her never really been alone. She has always had a boyfriends. And for the time she doesn't have a bf she has kids to fill the empty space that I feel from time to time. And its no fault of her own I want her to be happy and not worry about me and making sure I am alright. And the last thing I want from anyone is pity, I feel sorry enough for myself I don't needs others to do that too. I want everyone to go about their life and be happy and left me Waller in my own self pity when I get down. But I have to good of friends for that they all want to come over with a beer and shoulder to cry on. But now its Monday and I am doing ok, I realize that everything will be ok. And what doesn't kill me has to make me stronger so I am in a win win situation I guess. I look at it as that I cant be alone forever at some point some one has to take me. I either will have to lower standards (ya right) or something but I have never seen myself getting married with kids. Its just not something I have ever planned on and now that all my friends are slowing falling off the path of single life its biting me in the ass. But like I said before I am ok now and life will go on

0nce the smoke clears

2005-07-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

So some crazy stuff has been happening lately and I am just not sure what to think of the whole ordeal. I use to have this friend that lived in Florida that I talked to on a regular basis and he lives in Florida. Over the years we just kind fell apart and lost touch. I was going through some old stuff at my parents house a couple weeks ago and I found some letters and post cards that he had sent to me and it thought it a little odd. A couple days go by and I am at work wasting some time on a break and I was surfing the net and I find this website that he had made and it had his email and phone number. I couldn't believe it could really be him so I sent and email and low and behold it was. I got a suprising response from this guy and he couldn't believe that after all these years we found each other again. And an even bigger shock he does have a girls but is not married and I though for sure he would be married with kids by now. So if that was not weird enough I had this other guy that I dated for a couple months and for whatever reason we also lost touch.. He lives about 2 hrs away from me so the distance just kind dragged on our relationship and even though we never actually broke up we just fell apart and stopped talking too. And the other night I was bored sitting and home and I though hmm I wonder what ever happened to this guy. So I called his parents house hoping for some reason he would either be there or someone from his family would answer. So I made the call and he answered and we ended up talking for over 2 hrs. And it was just like it had been, he is the one person I have always been able to feel completely like myself with no holding back and I really miss that. I am really hoping to talk him into coming to visit me for a weekend so that I can know for sure if the feeling is still there.. I have this feeling and I don't know rather to say I am doom or its fate that I will be with him ... hahahahaha but its cool. But thinking a lot lately about reuniting with people makes me wonder what the plan for me really is. It seems that once I let life calm down and things just cool off everything falls back into place the way it was before life has its like fire and things went up in smoke.. Once the smoke and dust clears things just go back to the way they were.. And lately I have been just running into and talking to people I hate to say this but I kind forgot about.

my daily complaint... hehehehehe

2005-07-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

So i am horrible at writing here still... its about twice a month i get around to it.. but its the day after the fourth.. and i have a great weekend. got really drunk, really sunburnd and just all around had a good time all weekend it was awesome. but with all the soilder talk it makes me really miss my little brother. he has been gone about a month now and i didnt think i would miss him like i do. i miss him calling to come over and drink beer. and i miss going to moms house and just hanging out with him. he only had 2 months of boot camp left then he will be home for about a year, before he is off again. but i also did alot of thinking this weekend and you know what i am sick of being alone i have decieded. i honestly could be alone for the rest of my life but i dont wanna. i want to have someone to go have fun with to take boating to take to the party to take to the river... i want so have somone to go with me places cuz i am sick of going alone. and for some reason i am the only person i know right now that cant find anyone. none of my friends seem to have a problem. and some of that i know if because they are not as picky as me but damn... lol i just need somone that wants more than sex and friendship cuz i aint doing that crap again. and you know what my friends all try really hard to make it not seem like i am the tag along and they do a good job.. cuz i enjoy hanging out with all of them and there bf/gf but i am ready to be the one with somone. and i guess that will either happen or not.. and i just get to keeping smiling and being happy anyways.

Grand and Glorious!!!!!!!

2005-06-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

so i have decieded i am not very good and keeping this up blog stuff up. i always forget i have thing to write in hahahaha.. and life has been out of control so i finally took the plundge and moved into a big nice house with my best friend and her 2 kids. The thought of living with kids scares me to death literally but now that i am doing it, its really not that bad. I have my own space i have the whole basement to myself so i have 2 bedrooms a living room and a bathroom. so its great. and so far the kids just do their thing and for the most part i do mine. i am LOVING it, no more mold that is the best part. so i finally thought i had gotten over the whole bronchitis thing wrong! so i went to this training picnic thing and it was all good i felt fine. i got home and i started to fell my throat fell all weird. by that night my throat was almost swollen shut i couldnt even hardly swallow. so i didnt move from the couch until monday morning. I got up called in sick to work and went to the dr. And the moron tells me i am sick because i have asthma. Are you kidding me my throat is not swelling shut because my lungs are shot. so i take his stupid advice spend almost 80 bucks and more crap to help me breath. and guess what 4 days later, the throat is mostly better but now my whole face is stuffy so ya i am feeling realy grand. so the idea at this point is to QUIT SMOKING!!!! i have decieded the smokes are killing me 3 times faster than anyone else that smokes and i cant take it. I cant wake up every morning wishing that my lungs didnt hurt and that i could just breath like a normal person. so that is the new idea and i am not doing to bad at it. i dont smoke at all during work, and i limit myself to only 1 maybe 2 at night. and that is going to stop too. the only problem is when i drink, i cant drink and not smoke its just not the same the stupid habits go hand in hand. and i cant quite drinking too i could have a break down if i quite both at once hahahaha. so that is whats going on in my life. my little bro went to boot camp in South Carolina and ther jerk has been gone for about 2 weeks or so now and has called his girlfriend (stupid idiot) every week and he has not called my mom once. if he wasnt so far away i would go there and kick his ass. so that about it, life is crazy work is crazy i am not officially a CNA woooo hoooo no now on to phase to of my 20 phase plan to become something in life Great Grand and Glorious!!!!!

wow its been a while

2005-06-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

so ya its been a while since i have done this....... life just passes you by when you having fun..... or something ya know.. finally founda house after a search from hell but not moved in yet.. got a call the other day and the prop manager said we could move in if we could come up with the rent which is 800.. other wise we have to wait for it to be reinspected and if it passes then we dont.. but the problem with that is the fence in the back yard has to be painted and the damn rain wont stop so that we can paint the fence.. but i guess all in good time all in good time. I just wanna get in and get it over with . i have not been to my own house in about a month now and as much as i love the couch its getting old i am ready to have my own room to keep my stuff it.. cuz i have been living out of a duffle bag that is sittin in the living room.. just finished a class so that will free up a little time.. and i am crossing my fingers that i dont have to take the next one cuz i really need a break .. i love my job but class after class causes for some real strong burn out. went camping last weekend that was interesting ended up bring far far to much and by sunday couldnt get off the couch for a good 6 hrs.. took a shower and just crashed i have never had a hang over and i never want one again... i have actually not drank since that night. decieded that i needed to give myself about a week to recover and think about how stupid i had been hahahaha. but i know me and beer is my thing so with the weekend here i am sure i will be at it again.. found out my little brother leaves monday for 10 weeks of boot camp in south carolina... he said he was excited i think after about 12 hrs he will be hating life and wishing he had not just signed himself over for the next 8 yrs... but then again maybe i am wrong and this is exactly what he needs. i think mom will be really missing him she said she will be ok but with austin gone.. that leaves her at home all alone for the whole summer.. cuz i will be working and so will dad and aaron... and she gets the summer off so i am going to try and spend a little more time with her.. and grandma just had knee surgery again so she cant go do a whole lot.. poor mom... wow so i guess thats about it.. still single still no kids and still no dog... but i found out in the new house we have an animal if i pay a pet deposit so i just might get a dog... maybe not cuz i dont know about all that but i really want one so we will see...

2005-05-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

Your blog has

OFFICIALLY

been PIMPT

by THE JIZR!

alot...alot

2005-05-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

So the road trip is off for now... work just doesnt ever seem to premit me getting to do fun stuff!!!! but its ok... i just got out of a class only to start a new one on my bday... the only day i have asked for off in a long time. and i have to teach a class. but i am ok with it. as long as i get the day i have to take my state board test off i will be ok. so this last weekend.. wow the girls took me out for my bday and it got a little crazy. i have been told i dont know what a little crazy is and i think this weekend proves that again. hahahaha went to the gay bar in poky that was about a drag the place was just not happening. ended up at the green t 8 shot and a twelve pack later i almost hit one of my good friends in the face.. i punched my car instead. that is what happens when amanda drinks tequilla and people annoy her.. fists fly heheheheheh. the good thing is my friend was so drunk also she doesnt remember me wanting to hit her. it was so much fun thought my friend got on the bar and danced for the coyote ugly contest. made to the final round but didnt win the whole thing was rigged.... the girl that one actually works at coyote ugly the other finalist was a stripper. my friend was the only non hooker chic dancing.. but it was funny anyway... and we danced alot and talked to hot guys.. alot... and drank alot.. it was a night fill with fun... alot... next weekend some friends are coming down from cda to hang out.. and i have a feeling its gonna be another night of drinking alot.. i am getting good at those kind of nights they are beinging an almost weekend event in my life.. but i think anything more than 1 night a week i couldnt handle it. but regardless i have fun and that is what like is all about.. having fun i do my best to have at least one laugh aday.. i crack myself up if i have to.. most days i laugh way more than once and i always have fun!!!!

thought of moving

2005-05-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

so i really contimplating the idea of moving in with a best friend.. and i am not sure it is the best thing in the world.... i see lots of pros and cons to the idea. Its like flipping a coin heads it works and tails you hate each other about 6 months... we are looking at geting a place that has at least a basement that can be my living space.. and the thing is i already basically live there. i sleep there every night and eat there.. i go home about once a day for an hr to get ready and the rest of the time i am there. she is my best friend like the sister i never had. she would do anything for me and i for her. and our relationship is different we dont get mad and annoyed with each other ... we just bring issues to the table get it out and get over it with. and we dont realy not like each others friends... and i love where i live now, but i wanna be able to have people over do the back yard bbq drinking beer thing and i cant do that where i live now.. and i am the one who has said for a long time will never live with friends. but for some crazy reason i feel like this will work.. and she has kids which i think could be an issue... but i think as long as i have my space that they cant go into it will be ok.

some beach

2005-05-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

wishing it was friday... and i was on some beach some where.. hahahahahaha. but NO its MONDAY!!!! its only 10 and i already knows it gonna be one of those days. i came to work all happy and ready for a good day and that is that what is happening. class room ya computer in there are broken and everyone is freaking out in all directions and its just way to much. but little old me has the inablity to stress out. so i just take it one step at a time and get it done. i am almost done with school only 2 days left i cant wait. and at the same time i dont want it to end. now that we are almost done i am starting to hangout with the people from my class last week we went and had ice cream.. i am gonna miss them, and state boards ouch so not feeling ready i dont think i will pass i am trying to have confidence but i dont know... its 45 and if i dont pass i am out 45 bucks... ouch... so work schedule is just not compromising for a road trip so that sucks, i still might just do it anyways who know. i need a vacation in a bad way. like i said some beach some where!!!!! cocktails on some island resort is where i need to be right now.. but no i am stuck in idaho.. oh well enough with that the beach will just have to wait.

A Thought

2005-04-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

So i have this thought..... wow imagine that a thought from my brain.. (this could get scary)... ok on with the thought. so is there really some one for everyone? my whole life i have always believe that there was. and ever lasting love was something that was instore for every person. but what if my some chance your some one picked the wrong someone, or died or got lost or whatever but some how fate had it in for you to just not get your somone. now me i am young and have not really given love a strong enough chance to know or to think i know what it even really stand for. but i have this friend a pillar of stone and a heart of gold. but she just cant seem to find that some one that everyone has... i see her all the time find someone who is amazing and everything a girl could want and then poof he is gone... so that is what brought up the thought.... hmmm maybe the somone for everyone line is CRAP!!!!

And on a lighter note... i think i am feeling a road trip coming on hehehehehe. have not taken an real road trip for a couple months and this girl needs to get outta dodge and party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so if work allows and time is give i am going i am out like a fat kid in dodge ball. not sure where to yet thinking cda/post falls. spend some time there last summer and wouldnt mind going back to see some old friends and possible some new ones... so i will keep you all up dated on the road trip fever and the remedy i find for it!!

look at the time

2005-04-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

so wow what a day... not sure why i made this borem i think. my days are starting to merge into one big smudge. i have trouble telling where one ends and the other begins. all i do is sleep work school repeat and its really getting old. but the good news is school is all but over and if i cross my fingers and hope lots i just might pass the state boards and then be able to move on to the next level of this what looks like from here will be a never ending tunnel of school. the end result is the only thing that has kept me going. my birthday is coming up that is gonna be great i think. just gonna be the big 22 so nothing special to celebrate other than i am not the young one now. but wow i cant believe a year has gone by since the last one doesnt really feel like it... the saying goes time flys by when your having fun.. thats a lie time flys regardless rather fun is happening or not.